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Amy Russell

Amy Russell



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10 Horiffic Holiday Gifts for 2016

1 year ago

Among this horrible holiday list this winter are, of course, ugly Christmas sweaters, but a few other gems are also being put forth on display on this grotesque blog among grizzly disease, pus-filled buboes, and other horrors.  I hope Elf on the Shelf, Krampus, and the other horrors of the winter season don't descend upon your homes, dear readers.

1.   Resusable Feminine Napkins (Pads) - Disposable maxi pads and diapers made it possible for women to bleed all over clean "rags" instead of menstruating on actual rags and for babies, the elderly, and the infirm to pee and poop in diapers to be disposed.  Let's bring back this retro trend this holiday and give that special lady some fashionable items on which to bleed during their monthly flow!

2.   D*ck in a Box - Everyone remembers the episode of SNL where Justin Timberlake seeks to give his special lady a part of himself for the holiday season (his d*ck in a box)...just what ever lady wants for this holiday season!

3.  Men's Special Fabric Panties - Men need pretty panties, too.  For your favorite Cat Dad, the supremely "comfortable" Kitty Panties are super appropriate.  For those who are deserving of a gift that's a little more saucy, the sexy Zebra tail cawk cover is the fancier choice!  I prefer the uncomfortably knit Kitty Christmas Panties for men!

4.   Cat Suit for Furries - For your favorite fur-fetish geared feline friend, a white, fluffy cat suit is appropriate this holiday season as the purrrrrfect gift.  Cat Dads everywhere can become a true surrogate for their feline fur child if they truly wish to do so.  Long live those furries!

5.   Anitomically Correct Drinking Vessels - Long live ovaries and diverse sexual organs.  It's unfortunate that the intersexed may have difficulty finding their representation in a mug, but you can always find your local potter, who is interested in creating new and unique treasures.  These are the perfect gift for all your single friends!

6.   Knit Ladies' Granny Panties - And you guys thought I was gonna leave the ladies out of uncomfortable undergarments'!  These knit panties will ensure that your vajayjay is as itchy as it was for those of our foremothers.  Be lucky the whalebone corset isn't a staple of modern day fashion.

7.   Personal Trepanning Kit - This isn't a lobotomy, it's a trepanation kit!  If you ever feel like increasing blood-flow to your third eye for a more youthful exuberance towards life, why not perform your own brain surgery?  This is the perfect holiday gift for your favorite mad scientist, who wishes to increase his or her knowledge through their third eye!

8.   Poop Mugs - For your constipated friends who enjoy coffee, why not indulge them in a constant reminder of the explosive bout of diarrhea they will be experiencing after drinking thir morning cup-a-joe!

9.   The Ugly Christmas Sweater - Cats are a year-round staple lately, but this Angry Kitty Christmas Sweater speaks volumes.  Express yourself in the form of a fancy gift to your favorite cat owner this holiday season.  For those who believe both Biggy and Tupac are still alive, the more appropriate gift is the "Snowtorious" sweatshirt that alludes to the fact that Biggy has indeed arisen as the new Frosty for a modern day.  For a more classic approach, the fancy holiday scene is a fabulous choice!

10.   Taxidermied "Mouse" Cover - For the most active on the interwebs on your list, this fabulous pun in the form of a "mouse" cover is the clear choice for holiday giving!

1 year ago

Halloween is a holiday steeped in rich tradition throughout the world.   The word Halloween comes from an Old English form of All Hallow's Eve, known as All Hallow's Ev'en (Evening). This night has long ushered in the dark half of the year in many regions of the world.  Halloween was once a night that caused anxiety and dread among those terrified their souls may be taken by evil beings from beyond the veil between the world of the living and the dead!  Its said the veil between the world of the living and the dead is most thin on All Hallow's Eve! 

Halloween began with the Celtic autumn (fall) celebration, known as Samhain, which was the celebration that ushered in "the dying of the light" (summer's end).  On this dark and spooky evening on which the spectres and spirits of the dead of both the good and the evil were given free reign between the veils of the world of the living and the dead by The Lord of The Dark, Samhain.  Furthermore, these spirits are allowed on this night to interact with the living.  Among these spirits are human "ghosts" and other inhuman creatures that occupy the underworld and the "land of the dead".  The Cutty Black Sow is one such "spirit", actually a demon, an inhuman spirit in Welsh folklore believed to steal souls on Halloween.

The Celts celebarted their new year November 1, which was later replaced by most cultures with "All Soul's Day", a primarily Roman Catholic "holiday".  Ancient Celts built bonfires on Samhain night to keep evil spirits at bey.

  • Halloween is the eve prior to, "All Soul's Day", on which Catholics venerate canonized saints.
  • All Soul's Day was created to integrate Celtic Druid into Christian traditions as converts.
  • Kids once went door to door offering prayers in exchange for soul cakes on Halloween.
  • Masks were worn as disguises to confuse and ward off evil spirits on All Hallow's Eve.
  • Masks were also worn to honor ancestors who passed away.
  • Jack-o-Lanterns were originally made out of turnips.
  • Large Potatoes and rutabagas were also utilized in Europe for carving.
  • Pumpkins are native to North America, not Europe.
  • Seeds were brought back to Europe from America and Europe was introduced to the pumpkin!
  • Bobbing for apples was a form of divining that foretold the type of man a woman would marry.
  • Most kids who have been poisoned with candy were victims of family members, not strangers.
Have a pleasant evening and hopefully the Cutty Black Sow doesn't steal your soul for a snack. Maybe you should bake that bitch a soul cake!  Happy All Hallow's Ev'n!

    Make a Halloween Diorama

    1 year ago

    When I was little, my brother and I, who I always referred to as Sibling 2 (and I, sibling 1), used to enjoy building "towns" with Fisher Price, Lincoln Logs, and Lego parts.  We used to use G.I. Joe dolls and other "guys" to be residents of the town.  With this in mind, Halloween is right around the corner.  It'd be fancy as fawk to create a mini Halloweentown diorama to help you Goth as fawk fawkers celebrate the Samhain Season.

    Here are some container ideas.  Depending on what size you want to make your "town", fishtanks, display cases, and glass jars are great ideas to contain your diorama.  You may even have some of these kicking around your house that are unused or someone you know might.  If you don't have access to these items, they can easily be found for uber cheap at a second-hand store, or even Walmart or the slightly higher priced dollar stores.

    You then will have to decide whether you want to mix figurine and model types to introduce into your town or if you want to house a specific type of town pieces by a specific artist, in a specific genre, and other considerations.  I would opt to create diversity in my mini city with mixed types of figurines and model characters.  I'd use pieces similar to "Christmas" city decorations, but with a Halloween theme.  These exist both online and in retail stores and especially at second-hand stores. Wherever you see a cool piece, if you can fit it into your budget and it's worth it to you, by all means, holmes, pick it up and add it!

    Anyway, above is just an example of some cool shyte to use for your fancy schmancy Halloweentown diorama.  Happy Halloween, fawkers!  <3 p="">

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